Slipping
by WeBuiltThePyramids
Summary: "I just never pictured a scenario that didn't end in us."


**I'm still struggling to write, and I almost didn't publish this because I know it's not my best work. But I'm giving writing all that I have. It's just not much right now. I know a lot of us are feeling down and I decided to publish this because there's a chance it might help someone deal with what's happening with the show right now and give hope for the future. Happy holidays, cyclone.**

"I know what you told me when I was in space."

She blinked in surprise, turning to look at him where he sat beside her. Their conversation hadn't been about this. They'd just returned from a mission to France, and he'd saved her life, yet again. She'd thanked him for it. _How did that lead to this? And..._ "Y-y-you..." she stammered, thrown off. "You do?"

He nodded. "It came back to me, slowly." Shaking his head, he gave a little chuckle. "How embarrassing. I must have looked ridiculous."

"Is it hazy, or..."

"It was at first. I wasn't sure if I was remembering a dream or...but dreams don't gain clarity over time. Dreams continue to fade. These got clearer. I remembered more and more, over a period of a few days."

"So you uh..." she bit her lip, nerves festering in her stomach. "So you remember what I said. To get you to pull that lever."

He stayed so quiet, and so still, for a long time, and she briefly wondered if she'd not actually spoken out loud. Then he sighed. "I want to thank you."

 _What_? "What?"

"You brought me home. I...I don't think anyone else would have gotten through to me." He looked at her. "So thank you. For...saving my life."

 _So that's how today relates to this._ Paige opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. _Thank you_ wasn't what she had expected or wanted. She'd expected him to be angry, to feel violated at the knowledge that he'd poured his heart out to her and she'd played on those feelings as a means to an end – no matter how critical that end.

She'd wanted him to tell her it was all still true. That he still loved her. That he still wanted to be with her. She'd wanted him to ask her what it meant, if what she'd said was the truth. But he didn't. Paige's heart hurt as she realized why.

He didn't wonder if she meant it. He assumed that she didn't. He saw what happened as nothing but a desperate attempt to save his life and if he did ask her what it meant, she would tell him exactly that. His heart wasn't strong enough to hear it. So he stayed quiet. And he appreciated her bringing him home, no matter what she had to do.

 _But I did mean it. I just didn't know that at the time._

"Walter," she said quietly as he got to his feet, looking up as he turned around, nothing but simple curiosity in his eyes. "I, uh..." She rose, wringing her hands. "I know that when I was dating Tim, we...we weren't close."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I was...I didn't deserve your...you, your friendship then. And I wasn't ready...for anything else."

"No, stop it," she said firmly. "It's my turn to do this right now."

"What?"

"Walter, I pushed you away. You were frustrating and you made mistakes but I pushed you away. I did it because in order for me to be happy with Tim, I had to forget about how you make me feel. And it was _hard_." She bit her lip. "And I would manage it, for a while. And I'd feel happy. With him. And then you'd come along and say something, or do something, or look at me in a certain way and I'd..." she closed her eyes and shook her head slowly, then stilled, looking back at him. "I'd feel myself slipping. And I had to distance myself from you more. Or else I wasn't being fair to Tim. Every time I started slipping, that's what I did. I needed traction."

He stayed still, watching her, and she hated that she couldn't read his eyes. Did he know where she was going with this? Was he afraid that she was leading up to the final rejection that he'd been avoiding by not telling her he remembered when he did?

"Walter," she said. "I know we've gotten closer since Tim left for Jordan. And I know we've gotten closer still since I broke up with him. But one thing that's bothered me is you not knowing that I know how you feel about me. Or...or felt. I..." she ran her tongue quickly over her lips. "Those feelings you had for me. Walter..."

"I suppose you want me to be honest with you," Walter said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I always want you to be honest with me."

Walter sighed, and she could see the hesitance. Stepping closer, Paige watched as his eyes shifted to adjust to her new position. "I think you know that in the state I was in, I couldn't lie."

Paige realized she was being unfair. He had already told her how he felt, and while they both knew that now, she'd been the only one harboring that knowledge for months. "Walter, let me."

He stopped, looking at her with confusion. She stepped closer again, reaching out and putting her hands on his forearms. He looked down, observing their points of contact. He had been doing that lately – they so rarely touched nowadays it was easy for her to remember. "Walter, you said that you always thought that I'd want to be with you eventually."

She was close enough to him now, had prodded enough that she could see his feelings for her in her eyes, and she gasped, ever so quietly, just as he began to speak. "I..." he bit his lower lip. "I uh, I just never pictured a scenario that didn't end in _us_. And when you were with him I..." it was his turn to close his eyes and painfully shake his head. "I suddenly saw a future that wasn't us. And I reacted badly."

"I reacted badly too," she said. "When I realized I was wanting you I...I somehow began expecting that you would magically become the man I'd imagined ending up with when I was a teenager. I started wanting you to be exactly what I had in my head, and I got indignant whenever you weren't. And putting those expectations on you...that wasn't fair. And now that I think about it, it didn't make sense, because that's not you – and that's not why I started wanting you. And I know being with you would be different than being with Tim, or Drew, or anyone else I've dated before. But you shouldn't be the only one putting out the effort. The challenges of being with you...they're _worth_ it. They're worth you. I didn't realize that no one is perfect for each other at the start. People are bad for each other, and good for each other, and great for each other, but both parties have to work to become perfect for the other. I can't expect you to shoulder it all. But that's what I _was_ doing."

The way he was looking at her almost made her afraid. The intensity in his eyes was something she had never been on the receiving end of before. _Oh God._ Walter had told her he thought he wasn't ready for her. But he'd managed to weaken her, make her legs tremble and her breath quicken with one mere look. Was _she_ ready for Walter O'Brien?

"Paige?" He asked, their faces intimately close.

Her eyes were wide, her breath shallow, her heart pounding and her voice managing no more than a whisper. "I'm slipping."

He angled his face so their noses were nearly touching. "I've got you."

She exhaled quickly, the words "oh good," escaping her lips in a rush before she put them on his, and then he was kissing her back.


End file.
